that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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