Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
