did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
