I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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