I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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