Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
