I think scott just propositioned me for sex
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
