It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
