So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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