ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
