So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
