So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
