he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
