Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
