we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
