We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
