k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
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Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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