So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
