I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
