The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
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