No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
