the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
