i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
