I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
