Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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