I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize