i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
