Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
