I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
