I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I have aggressive nipples.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
