Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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