I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
