you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
