i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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