My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
