I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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