You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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