Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
