3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
