Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
