True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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