it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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