1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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