Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He did a backflip because drugs
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
