don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
