i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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