i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
