I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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