This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
