Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
