Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
