uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
3 2 1 whiskey
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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