just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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