wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My bed smells like the plague
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
