herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
