So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
