Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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