I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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