we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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