Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
