I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
