omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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