Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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