she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
