i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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