IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
