omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
