At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
whose ass print is on the piano?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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