I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
