I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
