hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
