i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize