There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
