I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
